Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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