those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
