with your own penis?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
3 2 1 whiskey
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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