Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
