So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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