Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
