just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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