my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
