I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
