i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
