So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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