I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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