I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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