I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
