I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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