Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I enjoy the company of your penis
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
