Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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