I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
