I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
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