people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
