Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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