OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My dick has a subreddit
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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