The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize