cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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