Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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