Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
