i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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