the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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