Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
