They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It was like giving head to a cactus.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Pants are for mortals
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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