dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
