I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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