well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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