The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize