Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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