I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
