is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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