He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
