Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
