You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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