i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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