I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
