im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
