what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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