My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
