Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
