I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
