remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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