i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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