I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
