He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
