mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
