I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
