***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
