I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
