I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
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