Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I came so hard my ears popped.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
