hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
