Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
