Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
