I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
