so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
