dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The uberlube is also flammable
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
