Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
