They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
