South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize