wrigley field is MILF paradise
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
