i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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