he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
