it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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