Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
