Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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